Mappy Chrishanulekwanzamassika! Or, an Agnostic livin in the Bible Belt

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten further and further away from the Holidays. Well, not all of them, Halloween is still a lot of fun. And Thanksgiving is always good for expanding the waistline.

Happily, I might add.
Happily, I might add.

But, as I’ve gotten older (and with the introduction of Facebook into people’s lives) I’ve drifted farther and farther away from Christmas. Not that I don’t like it, mind, I do.

Well, I like the idea behind it, anyway.

What I don’t like, and what is really annoying, is the supposed “War on Christmas”.


Summed up.
Summed up.

And what is worse, is the Happy Holidays v. Merry Christmas debate, with both sides taking self-righteous attitudes and screaming (quite loudly) that they are right and they are a victim of the other side’s merciless persecution.

I think I would have preferred it if Facebook would have stayed a ‘hot or not’ website.

At least that would have been an easy win for the Feminist argument.

As it stands, one can point out the contextual correct-ness of Happy Holidays meaning ‘Merry whatever-the-hell-you-want-it-to-be-Day-Mass (I’ve done this), and it will fall on deaf ears.

You can also point out how Christmas is not ‘Christ’s Mass’ any more, but rather a mash-up of Yule, Saturnalia, the tale of Saint Nicolas and¬†Krampusnacht¬†(I’ve done this, too), because the fledgling Christian religion wanted to appeal to a mass market and keep the awesome parts of every celebration so their particular pill would be easier to swallow. It will fall on deaf ears.

La la la!
La la la!

And that’s okay. It really is. If people don’t want to listen, they don’t have to. That’s the beauty of this country that we live in.

What isn’t okay is companies turning us into materialistic savages that would rather electronics parent our kids than take on the jobs ourselves. That we must have the ‘latest and greatest’ in order for our children to love us for another year. That Holiday shopping begins at Black Friday and doesn’t end until after Christmas.

Because there’s nothing wrong with lyrics that remind the viewer to

“go-go-go-go-g0, sho-shop-shop-shop!”

What isn’t okay is people force-feeding their beliefs on anyone else. What isn’t okay is a major news station¬† saying ‘Santa and Jesus are white, kids’ and then passing it off as a joke.

I’m an Agnostic. I stopped listening to people’s interpretation of the Bible a long, long time ago. I have no problems believing in some kind of God, I just have a problem with the rules that go with such belief. Also, with the idea that I’m going to be judged when I die. God and I are gonna have a long chat about that when I get outside the pearly gates. And, mark my words, I’ll be the same annoying ‘pointing out what’s wrong with your argument’ person then that I am now.

I'm that guy.
I’m that guy.

But Christmas is the one time of the year we’re supposed to celebrate the kindness that’s buried down deep inside of everyone. The one time of year that we cast off the jaded shroud we, all of us, wear and reacquaint ourselves with family and friends. We’re supposed to do nice things for each other. Supposed to love each other.

Not harp on the double meaning of Happy Holidays and how some asshole corrected you when you said Merry Christmas. Or how this country is so ghat-damned PC because all of the companies require their people to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Because this is ‘Murica goddammit and we celebrate Christmas, and we don’t go to other countries and tell them how to run their lives.

Maybe it’s always been like this. Maybe 100 or even 200 years ago, it was the same argument under different clothing. Maybe the Victorians were complaining that their servants were getting presents on Boxing Day, and why should they? They were employed, weren’t they? That was present enough, wasn’t it? And maybe those damn Jews were at it again, screaming about that heathen religion of theirs, Channukah, and someone should really do something about that because, I say, Jesus is the reason for the season.

I’d like to think in the Enlightened Age of science that we’re in would allow for more understanding. Instead, it’s given people with big mouths more places to scream how they’re right. Stupid will find a way, no matter the belief system.

So, this year, let’s counteract stupid. Lets not correct someone when they say Merry Christmas. Lets not voice our opinion about the holidays over the Book of Face.

Instead, lets enjoy the season. No matter your reason for celebrating it.

Happy Holidays, everybody.

Blessings on this Yuletide.

Joyous Kwanzaa.

Merry Christmas.

Happy Festivus.

Happy Channukah.

And for God’s sake be good this year, because Krampus is terrifying.

I’ll see you again in 2014!