That moment when…

That moment when you realise holy shit I have a project due tonight and why am I still working on the skeleton when I have muscle structure to do too, and omigod I need someone to help me with this because dear Jesus HG Wells WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!

His name is Jangles, Bo Jangles. See what I did there?
His name is Jangles, Bo Jangles. See what I did there?

That moment when you realise that you’re a grown ass adult and grown ass adults have to worry about things like credit scores and fixing things that went wrong because people really shouldn’t be calling you about something seven years previous and WHERE THE HELL DID THIS CHARGE COME FROM?!

You know, because we need something ELSE to worry about.
You know, because we need something ELSE to worry about.

That moment when you realise that you are a perfectionist and that doesn’t necessarily translate into good things when it comes to deadlines and scheduling and I NEED TO FIX THIS THING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT DOESN’T LOOK RIGHT!

It might look good to you, but the angles are all KINDS of off.
It might look good, but the angles are all KINDS of off.

That moment when you realise that you are comfortable in your own skin, but the weight does need to come off because 187 is not healthy on a 5’7″ frame but that that frame looks pretty damn good considering. CONSIDERING.

Because layering.
Because layering.

That moment you realise you’re not necessarily okay with being alone forever, but as long as you have good friends who are willing to invade your home every now and again to keep you company or send virtual hugs because you’ve had a down day, you’re okay with being by yourself for the time being. THE TIME BEING.

It has its purpose
It has its purpose

That moment you realise you really have a backlog of stuff that needs to be done and you really should edit that one thing for Jay because you’ve been sitting on it for so long but you have your own book to get edited and sent out to your editor so she can send it back and you can re-edit the edit so the beta readers can have it and there is a pause button on life, right? RIGHT?

It'll happen. Eventually.
It’ll happen. Eventually.

That moment when you realise for all the shit life has handed you, it’s also handed you some pretty good stuff, too. Because life isn’t always about the big picture. If the big picture was always in focus, WWIII would have happened already. And you better believe it wouldn’t be about WMD’s or whose borders have been incorrect or the Gaza strip, we would have gone to war because we have companies rich enough to higher marketers who make us believe that everything is okay, that we can keep killing the planet, so long as stocks go up.

If we look at the little picture, life isn’t so shitty. There are whole countries fighting to save the environment that we have, GMOs are slowly becoming illegal in the United States, weed and gay marriage are being legalised, people are understanding more and more about human nature, science is probing deeper, nature documentaries are going further, authors are standing up for themselves and publishing on their own, weight is being lost, fat and skinny people are finding acceptance from within, dogs and cats are finding forever homes with people that love them very much, water is being recycled, compost is being composted, and by god the sun is being used for her energy in new and innovative ways.

1 part bleach + 1 part water + sun = light bulb that never gets hot and never needs changing.
1 part bleach + 1 part water + sun = light bulb that never gets hot and never needs changing.

If I look at the little picture, I’ll realise that I’ve come a long way in my three year battle with my weight. It started with my ex husband. I ballooned up to two hundred pounds. I’ve lost twenty of those. I plan to lose more. I’ll also realise that what’s dinging my credit score is happening because of misunderstandings and company mis-reporting and mis-communicating. I just need to get over my fear of confrontation and fix the problem. And I’ll realise that attention to detail can be a good thing when the illustration/painting requires it, but that art and writing are both learning processes. No one likes a perfectionist. Not even a perfectionist. And finally, I’ll realise that one of these days, I really need to make a schedule for myself. So I don’t get overwhelmed. Or forget. Or make excuses.

As for being alone? Eh. I’ll get a dog.

This is a pomsky. I would very much like one, please.

For every bad thing in the world, for everything that you think needs to be changed outside or in, there are a thousand little things that make up for it.

Because it’s the little things that count.


6 thoughts on “That moment when…

  1. Yvonne Hertzberger says:

    I’d love to give you a for-real hug and spend some time yakking with you but a virtual one will have to do for now. I’ve been in a similar place many times, watched, and still watch my kids go through it, and know that the other side is there waiting for you. But to get to the other side of that door requires forgetting that it’s locked and being OK with where you are right now. I know it doesn’t look like it, but that locked door will open and it will be good – until you confront the next locked door. That’s how it works. We no sooner think we’ve crossed a certain barrier than another one pops up. That’s what we;re here for – to learn. The difference between you and I and some less frazzled sorts is that we are in too much of a hurry to get there instead of allowing the ride to find its proper speed.

    BIG hugs.

    1. rjkeith says:

      Thanks, Yvonne! Hugs back. I really feel like I’m such a whiner, but this whole thing has been hard. Which feels really silly to say, but I can’t put it any other way. It’s hard and I know it has to be hard, because nothing really good comes from being easy, but I don’t WANT it to be hard.

  2. Bubbe says:

    Amen to the little things counting! And I’m sending you virtual hugs right now. I too wish I could give you a genuine, in-person hug. I LOVE hugs! Love them from both sides: giver and receiver. I wish I had wisdom to share like Yvonne but I’m a simple woman so just know I’m loitering out her in cyberspace rooting for you!

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