When I’m down, I’m down…

I could blame work, I could blame the weather (it and a bunch of other things-namely me not being dressed properly-made me sick) and I could blame the chemical imbalance in my head that sometimes gets me this way, but I’m not going too.

Depression sucks. And I think that’s what I’m in right now. At any rate, that’s what is making it so I don’t want to write, so that even LOOKING at Scrivener gives me the aches and makes my brain seize up like an oyster with a pearl.

Have you ever met a sad clown?
Have you ever met a sad clown?

And the worst bit is, I can’t do anything about it. It’s cyclic with me, has been ever since I got out of the Navy and into therapy. Then out of therapy again. Probably shouldn’t have gotten out of the therapy bit…Anyway, the trigger seems to be Scrivener,  seems to be my little notebook I’ve adopted as my ‘go to’ when I don’t have a computer, the trigger seems to be even thinking about thinking about writing. I tried writing last night with lacklustre results. Which didn’t make it worse or better, somehow making it worse.

Sadly, there is no ‘writing through it’. As much as I would like it to be that easy, it isn’t. Because when I write through it I hate everything I’ve written and it spins things up in my head. Talking helps, but there’s only so much other people want to hear before the eye rolling begins. And I hate doing that to people.

On the plus side, I do have ideas spinning around for the LEVIATHAN, I’m just loathe to write them down.

Maybe not right now..
Maybe not right now..

Writer’s write. Writers read. Writers do a lot of things that writers do because the story is inside us and unwilling to shut up.

Except this time the story has to shut up for once because it’s causing pain.

So, I think I’m going to stop for a little while and take a break. I’ve got a month and a wake up before I leave merry ol’ England for Oklahoma (where the wind comes sweeping through the plain), and there are things that still need to be seen. And work that needs to be done. Once in Oklahoma, I have a Florida vacation and two whole months that I can apply to writing when I’m not wandering around in the wavin’ wheat state (or whatever the motto is).

Literally the only reference material I have for the State.
Literally the only reference material I have for the State.

I’m going to take some time off and see if that does me some good. The Nightly-Edition is sitting pretty, waiting to be edited, Untitled is almost done, and I have some ideas for Leviathan. Grimm is giving me trouble, but that’s a passing thing. I’m happy to leave the lineup there for a little while.

There will still be irregular updates, though, never fear!

I’ll catch you guys on the flip side, hopefully with better news than I left with.



6 thoughts on “When I’m down, I’m down…

  1. Sorry to hear you are feeling low. I have fought depression all my life so I understand. Take that break but make sure you are not just running away. Use it to refresh, not avoid. I’ll be here when you get back. Hugs.

  2. I’ve never been to Oklahoma myself but I think it’s safe to say it’s nothing like England. Take care of yourself RJ. What Yvonne said – “use it to refresh”! And I’ll be here too. Hugs and prayers aimed your way. 🙂

  3. I agree, refresh. In dealing with depression, taking a break to recoup has helped me. Feel for you, take care of yourself and I hope a breakthrough comes within the next month or so. Don’t put time limits on yourself. Love the Oklahoma image. Be safe and well wishes your way!

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