What is LOVE?

Okay, so I have part two of my Management 352 final to do, but I need a break. I’m bloody brain dead and it hurts. You never think it will, but it does. So, so much.

Five more minutes…

That is me right there. Well, minus the stack of books. If you can imagine lying on a computer with an iPad and a thick marketing book supporting one of two arms, that’s pretty much me. With strange stains that look like they could have been food at one point all over my jeans.

Anyone who tells you waitressing is clean and easy is a damn dirty liar.

I’m smiling because they tell me too…


So, I am at the part of my story where I start to wonder about a few many things. Mostly about the four letter word every woman (and man) wants to hear from their significant other (the same four letter word the the audience of Murdoch Mysteries has been waiting for Detective William Murdoch to tell Dr. Julia Ogden for Five. Bloody. Seasons.)

One more season, detective. That’s all you get to make a horrible ending to the fourth season right. ONE. MORE. SEASON.


“Honey, I love you.”

Okay. Great. Why?

I am *so* not romantic. It’s pathetic. Someone hands me flowers and I get all weirded out, nervous, and blush-y like. I don’t know what to do with myself. Moreover, I don’t know why someone would ever consider saying that to me of all people. Don’t people have better things to do than hand me flowers and tell me some ridiculous sort of sentiment?

(I’m not trying to phish for compliments here, I’m being serious. I have this whole messed up self-esteem thing that has been that way since oh-as long as I can remember. Besides, this isn’t about me.)

Don’t get me wrong, I know what love IS. I know the definition. I know the science behind it and attraction. I’ve watched TLC and Discovery Science shows covering the topic. It’s all there in black and white. But, for the first time in my life, a book hasn’t made me understand.

I’ve never been in love. Not really at least. There is the teenager thing that happens no matter who you are. I’ve experienced lust, loathing, and the general okay-ness with living under the same roof as someone of the opposite gender. I do “love” people. With some of my friends it just comes with the package, but, I haven’t experienced “love” in the way it’s described in the myriad of books I’ve read. I refuse to look at the movies because that’s just silly, and I have no interest in experiencing romantic love.

Is there such a thing?

If there is, is it worth it?

Is there a difference between it and “real love”?

I love my family. But that’s different.

 I’m the hamster

I find myself at a curious place in my story. Two characters are falling in love while a third is hiding from himself and the sexuality he condemns another for behind a deadly game of gin running, eugenics and drugs. A twist I never saw coming, and something I’m completely in love with (hah! made myself giggle a little).

Now, don’t get me wrong, the characters know why they’re falling in love. At this point they’re writing the story, I’m just in it for the ride. But, as the author, I feel I have the right to know why. If not for their benefit, but for mine. I have to describe all of this, you know. And, eventually, I have to understand the reason why they’re falling in love. Two characters can be in love all they want, but there is a reason behind it. One does not simply “fall in love” for reasons of falling in love.

That’s just silly.

And a little bit Wonderland.

So. To all of my friends, fellow writers, and those who are married or in a relationship. Can you help a girl out?

What makes someone fall in love?

What makes someone stay in love?

Is it really about looks as our society would have us believe?

What made you fall in love?


6 thoughts on “What is LOVE?

  1. bubbe says:

    Wow, such a deep question. And so hard to answer. You saw my rant earlier this week. As angry and frustrated as I get with Hubs, I can’t imagine ever being without him. But the how and why of it are a mystery even to me.

    I could say it’s because he’s the first man who made me feel like I really was beautiful. Or it could be that we just clicked. For some reason we work together, most of the time anyway. I think true love (or twoo wuv if you like) works because it ain’t all sunshine and roses. Sure, there are times when we’re so in sync we finish each other’s sentences. Then there are the times I’ll try to finish his sentence and he accuses me of disrespecting him because I’m interrupting. Sigh.

    This won’t help your understanding but it’s one of my favorite stories of our courtship and it illustrates that we have little or not control over falling in love. We’d been dating for probably a couple of months when Hubs accompanied me shopping for a baby shower gift for a co-worker. When our shopping was done and we were back at the car he was helping me in (it was a honkin’ big suburban, I needed help) I opened my mouth and out came, “I luh…” before I shut myself up. Hubs said and repeats regularly that my expression was priceless. My heart knew I loved him before my brain did and my brain tried to override it! Just goes to show you doesn’t it?

    Good luck coming to some sort of resolution. If you find an answer let me know. 😀

    1. rjkeith says:

      Thank you ma’am! It really does help when I learn about others’ experiences. Mine with relationships haven’t been the best…to say the least. I suppose that’s why I’m reaching out, to blend what I’ve experienced with what others’ interpretations are. If anything, it’ll go a long way to make what’s going on in Blood on the Quarter more believable.
      Thanks for your help!

  2. Kendra W. says:

    My two cents!

    What (made me) fall in love?: I think the word ‘fall’ is the best word for it. With Sam and I, I had been out of a relationship for a couple of months, but emotionally unattached to anyone in a romantic way for quite some time. I had noticed Sam, but didn’t think of persuing anything on my own accord. It took him flirting with me and trying to catch my attention to think ‘Hey, why not give it a chance? What’s the worst that could happen?’

    The first time we acknowledged mutual attraction was with a kiss, and immediately there was a comfort to be found with one another. There was relief in the fact that we were being honest with one another about our feelings and intentions. That wasn’t love right out the gate. Love came about two months later when I wanted to see him every day, just to be around him and have conversations with him. I trusted him with my world, and to see that kind of trust and affection doubled back on me was where the love sparked.

    What (made me) stay in love?: The sensations and reasons that I’d fallen in love for not only stayed consistent, but kept growing (and continues to grow to this day) stronger. The passion, the spark, what draws us to one another hasn’t faded a touch, is only made more resolute with each passing day. I want to see him every day of the week, he wants to see me equally as much. We can see one another at age 80 still together, happily spending time on the front porch reading or doing crosswords or whatever it is old people do together. We want marriage for the sake of committing to one another forever, not because we feel obligated to do so.

    What makes one stay in love, I believe, is equal parts trust, passion, attraction, and just legitimately wanting to be a part of one anothers lives in a real, steady, and permanent way.

    Is it really about looks as our society would have us believe?: God christ almighty, no. I’m cute enough, but prettier girls can’t offer to Sam all that I can. I know him better than them, he’s attached to me in a way he isn’t with them, we share interests, we make one another laugh and, at the same time, can mutually hold serious, incredibly intelligent conversations.

    On the other side of the coin, I want to preface this with the fact, first off, that I find Sam to be an incredibly attractive man. He’s all that is man as far as I’m concerned. But I know that his weight can bounce. He’s lost a considerable amount in the past two years, and chances are pretty good that he’ll balloon back out. His hairline is receeding, and one day he’s probably gonna be seriously balding and overweight.

    I’m totally cool with that. I was before the love came. Because he’s funny, he’s smart, we’ve been friends for quite some time and know and trust one another before love is even a part of the equation.

    1. rjkeith says:

      Right? I will be so mad if he and Julia don’t wind up together in the end. They’ve got the rest of season 5 and season six to fix it >.<

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